i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
