i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
