I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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