"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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