I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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