New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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