peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
