I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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