OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
