i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
