Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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