Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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