Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
