I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
