no, he came in my armpit
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
