Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
