I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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