We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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