so that wasnt chicken after all
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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