Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
