Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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