Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
