It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
