Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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