made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
