You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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