just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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