I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
