Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
