If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
