just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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