lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
