She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
