How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
