The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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