a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
