you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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