My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
