I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is my gift to your gina
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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