Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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