He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize