i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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