i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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