im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
