Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
