As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
