dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
