Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
