A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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