I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
