i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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