cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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