Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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