I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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