I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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