She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize