i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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