I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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