i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
