my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
