what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
