i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I understand Curling. That high.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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