My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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