i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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