she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
