She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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