but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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