she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
