They should really pass out barf bags in church
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
