Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
