I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
