You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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