so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
