There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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