Don't you send me to vm
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
