is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize