Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
