Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
