If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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